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Shed the Shame Podcast Episode 116: Heal Your Shame, Release Self-Judgment, & Explode Your Confidence!

November 22, 20235 min read

So be patient. Be gentle. Be compassionate with yourself. Healing your shame and self judgment is a gradual and ongoing process that requires that self awareness. It requires that self compassion and it absolutely requires a support group. - Jen Whitens, Shed the Shame Podcast


Are you tired of feeling ashamed and judging yourself? Are you struggling to achieve your goals and build self-confidence? If yes, then it's time to heal your shame, release self-judgement, and explode your confidence. In this episode, you learn the root causes of shame and self-judgement, strategies for healing and releasing them, and tips on how to boost your confidence!

Part 1: Understanding Shame and Self-Judgement

Shame and self-judgement are two of the most significant barriers to achieving goals and self-confidence. 

Shame is a feeling that arises when you believe that you're not good enough or that there is something fundamentally wrong with you. There are 2 types of shame: genuine (I made a mistake and I’m disappointed in myself) and false (I imagine I should be condemned for something - unrealistic expectations).

Self-judgement, on the other hand, is a negative evaluation of yourself, your behavior or thoughts. Shame can lead to self-judgement, and self-judgement can reinforce feelings of shame, creating a vicious cycle. To overcome these barriers, you need to understand where they come from and why they persist. 

Shed the Shame Protocol Free Masterclass

My free Shed the Shame Protocol will be covering this in-depth so you can get to the root!

Part 2: Strategies for Healing and Releasing Shame and Self-Judgement

Healing and releasing shame and self-judgement can be a challenging and ongoing process, but it's essential if you want to achieve your self-confidence goals. The following strategies can help:

Practice Self-Compassion: The first step in healing shame and self-judgement is to practice self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up for your perceived flaws or mistakes, treat yourself with kindness and understanding. How to do this? 

  1. Validate yourself and your feelings. It’s ok to feel disappointed, but it’s not ok to let yourself stay there. Feel it to heal it. Give yourself permission to move through it and move on.

  2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Negative self-talk, such as "I'm a failure" or "I'm not good enough" can fuel feelings of shame and self-judgement. To challenge negative self-talk, use evidence and logic to dispute your negative thoughts. So I talk about this often, but I want to give you another perspective on how to do it. Because for me, my negative self-talk doesn’t sound explicitly like “I’m not good enough,” or, “I’m a failure.” It’s sneakier. It shows up in my actions and lack of support for myself. So when I do things like procrastinate on the tasks that I know will move the needle on my goals, that’s me saying, “I don’t believe in you. You can’t do this, so why even bother?” They do’t say “Actions speak louder than words” for nothing. Your self-talk might be in the form of how you behave - what actions are telling you a story about what you believe around your worthiness?

  3. Seek Support: Shame and self-judgement can be isolating, but you do not have to suffer alone. Seek the support of family, friends, or a therapist who can offer compassion, understanding and help you work through these feelings. Find a group, book, program, etc. that holds you accountable to the mindset you need and want so you can build up your confidence and let go of the shame.

  4. Somatic awareness: get to know and understand how your body is reacting to your self-imposed shame and guilt. Become knowledgable about your nervous system and how it’s protecting you when triggered by shame and guilt, then utilize the best practices to regulate your nervous system to get relief. Depending on how your nervous system is reacting to shame, you might need stillness or movement to get yourself regulated again. Learn what’s best for you and won’t trigger you further.

Part 3: Make a Plan

Finally, create a plan that will encompass everything we have talked about so you actually follow through, because that’s the toughest part, right?

First off, create a plan to Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally can boost your confidence. This includes getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, engaging in regular exercise, and practicing mindfulness. You’ve heard all this a million times, I know. So that’s why this next part might be the most important:

Sometimes we have these things in place, but the intention isn’t there. For example, you might already be part of a supportive group, but you’re not utilizing it to its fullest potential and don’t have a clear intention. The most successful people that are in communities are the ones that participate, either by asking for support or supporting others - but mostly showing up in both capacities. Celebrate yourself and others in the group - this helps built momentum, stay motivated, and cement your new habits. When you take care of yourself with intention, you inspire others to do the same and everybody wins!


Breaking free from the grip of shame and self-judgement can be immensely liberating. With these strategies and tips, you can start to heal these feelings, and boost your confidence, empowering you to achieve your goals and thrive in every aspect of your life. Remember, the journey of self-growth is ongoing, so be patient, gentle, and compassionate with yourself. Healing your shame and self-judgement is a gradual and ongoing process requiring self-awareness, self-compassion, and support from others. By practicing self-care with intention, you can learn how to heal your shame and ultimately explode your confidence!

And if you want a more elaborate blueprint for this, join my free Shed the Shame Protocol where I will be covering all of this in detail in masterclass form with a video module and workbook! 


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Jen Whitens

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